Bad Luck Chuck

I have had the worst.luck.ever. this past weekend. Like, I know I'm unlucky and the worst case scenario almost ALWAYS occurs when I'm involved, but this was ridiculous.

REE-DICK.

Let's set the stage, shall we?

I'm getting married this Saturday. I'm not really stressed about it. Things are done, whatever. The details aren't that big of a deal. Things are going just as planned. Until...

1) An eye infection. If you know me well, you know that I seem to have a skin infection at any point. One time I had an eye infection that caused my entire eye to swell shut and had to go to the emergent care place in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve. The dermatologist said I have a staph infection that means whenever I get a cut, I get an infection. I.e. HOLY CANOLI I'M GETTING MARRIED ON SATURDAY AND PAYING THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS FOR A PHOTOGRAPHER! WHAT IF IT GETS CRAZY SWOLLEN!?!?!?!

Beyond discussing wearing matching eye patches to the wedding (Matt was ALL for this, btw), I decided to go to the doctor on Friday and get some antibiotics to hopefully move this process along. I can safely say it does not hurt now, but it's still all red and gross looking. Fingers crossed the lid is back to normal by Friday. Please, God...

2) My eye was killing me. And I had to work on the placecards. A terrible combination. I've also never used a hot glue gun.

This is just a recipe for disaster...

I'll spare you the details of my idiocy and give you the dialogue:

Me: Wailing, OW!
Matt (from the bathroom): What's wrong?
Me: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! IT HURTS!
Matt: Hold on, I'm peeing.
Me: *weeping*

Matt described the scene he saw as if he came upon a forgotten/lost child. There I was SOBBING and holding my hands up in the air. It really hurt, but I think there was a little bit of a catharsis that took place. It felt good to cry, but the burn blisters on my hands were not worth it.

3) I had to travel to a conference at a small college in Iowa. Against my better judgment, I decided to book my room in the dorm rather than at a hotel.

This was a mistake.

I finally arrived at the dorm at 10:45 PM after an exhausting 5 hour drive (where I almost got in 2 car accidents because of crazy Iowan drivers...no offense if you are one), and of COURSE there was no one there to let me in or get my key. Thankfully, this woman happened to walk by the door while I stood there and just happened to have an extra room. Good luck? Well...

Once I got into my room, I remembered how much dorm beds/rooms SUCK, so I decided to just get ready and crawl into bed for what promised to be a fitful and uncomfortable night's sleep (which it was). So I went to the bathroom down the hall and when I came back, I realized the door had locked behind me. With all my stuff in it.

So, here's THIS scene:

Me: Can I use your cellphone?? (frantic)
Stranger in dorm: Why...?
Me: I locked myself out of my room (starting to cry)
Stranger: Yea, you have to be careful about that...
Me:...
Stranger: Who are you planning on calling?
Me: I don't even know...

Eventually, I ended up calling the security and they came and let me in.

4) I spilled all over my khaki pants the next day and had nothing to change into.


This is by far the longest post I've ever written, and interestingly enough, it's all about my bad luck.

So, with that, I'm bidding you all adieu for the next few weeks as I hopefully begin my lucky streak as I get married and travel to Hawaii.

And do lots of this:

Much love to you all, and I PROMISE to return and get back to the regular routine!

Food Disasters of Late

These last few weeks have had less cooking than I would like. Well, scratch that. There has been cooking HAPPENING, but there has not been recipe FOLLOWING, which means we've had some pretty epic crises in the kitchen trying to come up with our own recipes.

Rather than bore you with useless recipes that I have to try and recreate to post on here, I thought I'd just post pictures and describe the scenarios that brought us to these failures.

Matt and I wanted Mac and Cheese. Still had not brought ourselves to using fake cheese, we thought we could trick ourselves into thinking that Chili Mac was just as good. Unfortunately, it was not. This dish includes macaroni noodles, baked beans, fried onions, and scallops. I think there is absolutely ZERO nutritional value in this one.

These little roll-ups were actually modeled after a recipe from a cookbook which will remain nameless. These were just nasty. And once again, the nutritional value was very low. It was like some tomato and chickpea past with a couple strips of swiss chard. Blech.

Since we haven't been following recipes lately, we have also not been shopping for any particular dish at the grocery store. What this results in is a bunch of ingredients that probably shouldn't be put together ending up in one bowl. I'm not sure if this was a chili. a stew, a soup, or a casserole.

And yes, those are the infamous alphabet soup noodles that have inhabited the pantry for almost 6 months now. They just won't go away...

And I saved the best for last.

Maris brought over some phyllo dough to be used for a tart that she was SUPPOSED to make for our royal wedding viewing party. I'm actually pretty thankful she didn't make the tart because we had TONS of food leftover, but maybe if she had used it, we wouldn't have decided to try these phyllo dough pies.

Matt has a thing for anything in pie form. I take that back. Matt has a thing for anything in savory pie form.

See?

But here's what our's looked like...

We filled them up with brussel sprouts and some beans.

They were impossible to eat.

And to be honest, they tasted like paper.

So yea. That's why I've been a little quiet lately. I'm hoping we have a little more time and a higher success rate in the near future.

But I can't make any promises...

Garbage Can Pizza!

I buckled. I bought some Daiya cheese. I really REALLY wanted a pizza that was not loaded up with everything BUT cheese because honestly, even though I can tell myself I'm ok with the absence of cheese on a pizza, I really can't believe it. Pizza without cheese is just bread with tomato sauce and vegetables on it.

Isn't that called bruschetta?

Anyways, I bought the Daiya Mozzarella.

And it was good.

Matt and I decided on a whim to make a pizza using whatever we had in the kitchen (we've now done this twice since because of the success of this first Garbage Can Pizza), and we started by making our own dough. Also, we named it "Garbage Can Pizza" because most of the ingredients would end up in the garbage if not used for this pizza.

It was the end of the week...

I found this recipe for Vegan Pizza Dough on vegweb.com and then we loaded the dough up with a nice spreading of olive oil, followed by some old leftover pasta sauce and then broccoli, pineapple, jalapenos, mushrooms, tomatoes, onions, garlic, and some leftover gardein chicken cutlets. Then we sprinkled the Daiya mozz over the top and doused the pizza with some Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce and some Rooster sauce for heat.

This was delish. The dough was a little bland, but who cares when you have so much flavor up top.

Some people think my taste for pizza toppings is weird.

I tell them that they are weird.

So there...

In case you were wondering, my verdict on Daiya cheese so far is two thumbs up! It definitely is still NOT cheese, but they came darn close to tasting like Mozz. Also, the gardein chicken cutlets were delish as well and when you nestle it into a pizza, no one could tell the difference I'm sure...not even an avid meateater.

I still cannot afford to eat these meat/dairy impersonators on a regular basis, but when I do get the chance, I will lean towards the Daiya and Gardein brands FO SHO.

Here's the recipe for the dough from vegweb.com

Ingredients:

2 cup unbleached all purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
12 ounces beer

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Grease a cookie sheet (12 x 18" or slightly smaller works well).

2. Combine all ingredients. Dough does not have to rise at all, but will be fairly wet and sticky.

3. Press into prepared cookie sheet If it seems too sticky to work with, sprinkle a little flour on it as you pat/press it into the pan.

4. Top with your favorite sauce and toppings. Bake 20-25 minutes or until dough is browning and crisp around edges.

Raspberry Chocolate Cookies

I generally do not like mixing anything remotely healthy with chocolate. The one exception being chocolate covered strawberries (and really, this is only because you can hardly taste the strawberry).

I like chocolate in it's pure perfection. Dark chocolate to be exact. I like it so pure that it's almost bitter.

So Chocolate and Raspberry Cookies did not excite me all that much. But I needed some sort of cookie dessert and I had the ingredients for this recipe.

I needed to get rid of a raspberry preserves jar that had been sitting in my refrigerator for about a year a few months, so this was my opportunity.

I got a little caught up in the excitement of watching my hands turn dark brown as I got all up in that dough, so I'm not exactly sure what happened, but the consistency of the dough was weird to me. As I flattened it out on the cooking sheet, they looked like sad pancakes.

And then they burned. See?

These were ok. Matt really liked them. I was not a huge fan, but as I mentioned earlier, I had my doubts about this flavor combo. If you love Raspberry and Chocolate, give it a go, just make sure the dough isn't too dry.

Here's the recipe for "Chewy Chocolate-Raspberry Cookies" from Veganomicon.

Ingredients:

1/2 cup raspberry preserves
1 cup sugar
1/3 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350. Lightly grease cookie sheet.

In a large mixing bowl, stir together the raspberry preserves, sugar, canola oil, vanilla, and almond extract.

In a separate mixing bowl, sift together the other ingredients. Add the dry to the wet in three batches, mixing well with a fork after each addition. When you get to the last batch, you may need to use your hands to work the batter into a soft and pliable dough.

Roll the dough into walnut-size balls and then flatten them with your hands into 2 1/2-inch diameter disks. Place on a cookie sheet (they need be only 1/2 inch apart because they don't spread out when baking). Bake for 10 minutes.

Remove from the oven and let cool for 5 minutes. Transfer to a cooling rack to cool completely. You can also serve these cookies still warm over a scoop of icecream.

Ay-Oh-Lee and Portobello Sandwich

I've been on a serious mushroom kick lately. I put them in EVERYTHING. Salads, soups, pastas, rice, you name it, I shroomed it. This obsession reached a fevered pitch a few weeks ago when I decided to buy bulk portobello mushroom caps.

2 containers to be exact.

If you haven't noticed this about me yet, I have eyes that are bigger than my stomach. I also get really nervous when food sits in my refrigerator for longer than 3 days. Put those two lovely character traits together and you get a wasteful person who throws out a lot of food.

But, I've been working on this.

Matt will eat things that have mold blatantly growing on them. He says it helps fight staph infections.

We'll leave that little tidbit alone for the time being...

Anyways, I had to move quickly with these mushroom caps, so I found a recipe in the "Clean Food" cookbook that utilized the mushroom caps as the star of a hearty sandwich. The only problem was that I had no idea what Aioli was.

Oh well, I decided to do it anyways.

One thing I love about this cookbook is that it allows for much variety depending on what you have in the kitchen and what you like. It even seems to allow for those moments where you realize that you've put in an entire jar of sundried tomatoes including their juices even though the recipe only called for 6 and sans juice.

Oh well.

These were delish.

And so hearty, but we served with some leftover frozen corn (dethawed of course...but barely).

And we had leftover aioli for days...which meant we could repeat this recipe again and again.

Oh yea, and I realized that aioli is just like...a mayo based sauce. Garlicky I presume. Not scary at all!

Here's the recipe for "Roasted Portobello Sandwich with Sun-dried Tomato Aioli" from Clean Food by Terry Walters.

Ingredients:
- Portobello mushrooms (1-2 per serving)
- Extra Virgin Olive Oil
- 1 tbsp minced fresh herbs of choice (thyme, oregano, parsley, basil)
- Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
- 4 slices of bread
- Roasted red peppers, sliced into 1/2 inch strips
- Avocado, thinly sliced
- Romaine or fresh spring mix lettuce
- Mustard (honey dijon)- optional

Aioli:
- 6 sun dried tomatoes
- 1 garlic clove, peeled
- 1 1/2 cups grapeseed oil mayo (I used Nayonaise).
- 2 tbsp fresh italian herbs of choice
- pinch of sea salt

Preparing Aioli- soak dried tomatoes in hot water for 15 mins. or until soft. With food processor/blender running, drop in garlic. Process until minced. Squeeze excess water form tomatoes and add them along with mayo to the food processor. Scrape down side of the processor as needed and blend until smooth. Add herbs, salt and process lightly. Transfer to a container and refrigerate to allow flavors to blend. This aioli will last approx. 4-5 days in the fridge.

Roasting Portobellos- Preheat oven to 400F. Line cookie sheet with parchment paper. Wipe mushrooms with a damp towl to clean. Discard stems and rub smooth side with olive oil. Place smooth side down on cookie sheet and sprinkle insides with italian herbs, pepper and pinch of salt. Roast for about 8-10mins. until soft. Remove and set aside.

Assembling- Slice bread and lightly toast. Spread aioli on toast and top with roasted portobello, roasted red peppers, avocado and lettuce. Spread mustard on second piece of toast and top sandwich. Serve warm.

Brussel Sprout and Cranberry Salad

I'm back from Texas. If any of you follow me on twitter, you know that I was quasi-scandalized by the most recent trip down South (ok, not really, I was just out of my element and had cashew nightmares...shudder), but I'm back and will not be flying anywhere until my honeymoon in a month!

Yea, I know, I still have to drive to Iowa and Wisconsin between now and then, but let's focus on the positives here, ok folks?

Hawaii...sandy beaches...not a cashew in sight...

Anyways, I had the sudden realization that I would be wearing a bathing suit in less than a month. This realization caused me to binge shop for a bathing suit on jcrew.com and then swear to eat salads between now and then.

I sent the bathing suit back. So you can only guess how my salad diet is going.

In all honesty though, I don't really believe in the traditional understanding of dieting. I haven't weighed myself in almost 5 years (yup, I even ask the nurses NOT to tell me what the scale says when I get my yearly checkups), and am generally pretty happy with the way I look. Sometimes I struggle, but most of the time I realize that I'm not willing to give up eating pizza and ice cream, so therefore, this is how my body is going to look. And I'm ok with that. I try to do some form of exercise almost every day, but if I miss a run or yoga class, I am pretty forgiving.

Some might call this lazy.

I don't :)

ANYWAYS, back to the salad. I decided to give Skinny Bitch another chance and thought that a salad was a relatively easy option that was hard to screw up. And the salad option they had in the book sounded AMAZING.

"Pomegranate and Brussel Sprout Salad." I love brussel sprouts and I love pomegranates...WINNING.

Unfortunately, the salad I ended up concocting had little resemblance to the one described in the recipe.

Here's what I did wrong:
-First off, couldn't find any pomegranates. I should have maybe decided to do something else when I realized a title character was going to be missing from the recipe. I used some dried cranberries instead.
-I forgot the tofu. But I'm ok with that because I think the intention of including the tofu was to trick your eyes into thinking you were eating feta. I don't like tricks or surprises.
-Didn't have roasted hazelnuts, used raw.
-Didn't have mirin, so used sherry again.

The colors, I tell you, the colors!

Despite all of the substitutions, this was DELICIOUS! The dressing especially was great. I loved the cranberries and can only imagine what pomegranate seeds would have done to the recipe, so I highly recommend this one.

Here's the recipe for "Brussel Sprout and Pomegranate Seed Salad" adapted from "Skinny Bitch: Ultimate Everyday Cookbook."

Ingredients:

-3 cups brussel sprouts
-1 cup thinly sliced radicchio
-2 cups chopped romaine lettuce
-1/4 dried cranberries
-1/2 cup orange slices (I used clementines)
-1/4 cup chopped hazelnuts
-1/4 balsamic vinegar
-1 tablespoon soy sauce
-2 teaspoons sherry
-1/4 cup olive oil
-1 garlic clove, minced
-1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary
Pepper, to taste

Directions:

Steam the Brussel Sprouts 3 to 5 minutes, or until soft (this took me like 10 minutes for some reason). Place in a colander and rinse with cold water to stop the cooking. Cut them into quarters. In a large bowl, toss together the Brussel sprouts, radicchio, romaine, cranberries, orange slices, and hazelnuts.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the balsamic vinegar, soy sauce, sherry, oil, garlic, and rosemary, for the dressing. Heat a small frying pan over medium heat and pour in the dressing, cooking until the mixture begins to bubble. Add to the salad and toss. Season with pepper, to taste.

Satanic Seitan

So these past few weeks have been chaotic. I haven't been home on a weekend since...God knows when. Won't be home on a weekend until...August at earliest. Matt is unemployed, so he's been stepping in to do the cooking and what not, so I haven't felt inspired to blog. Nor have I had the time.

Sigh.

I'm hoping that things start to slow down soon, but who knows. No one tells you about how much busier your life gets when you are gainfully employed. Actually, I think they do...

Anyways, a few weeks ago I decided I needed to figure out what in the hell Seitan is. I'd heard of it, pretty sure I'd even eaten it before, but really didn't know what it was. So, I decided it was time to venture into imitation meat-ville.

Temporarily. At least.

So I found this recipe for Seitan from Scratch from "Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker." As I began the process of basically removing all the nutritional value of wheat flour, I realized this was QUITE a labor intense process.

Making the stock was super easy (and I had TONS of homemade leftover vegetable stock which was awesome), and it smelled great. The annoying process was kneading the dough ball in water until the water was clear and not white. This took forever. I am still not convinced I got the water to run clear, but at least it was only sort of cloudy when I threw in the towel.

This recipe made a lot of seitan and it definitely LOOKED like meat.

Here's the recipe for the Seitan from Scratch from "Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker."

Ingredients
•1 large carrot, cut into 2-inch chunks
•1 large yellow onion, quartered
•3 garlic cloves, crushed
•½ cup tamari or other soy sauce
•2 bay leaves
•2½ quarts plus 3 cups water, or more as needed
•6 cups whole wheat flour (about 2 pounds)
Directions
1. Combine the carrot, onion, garlic, tamari, and bay leaves in a 6-quart slow cooker. Add 2½ quarts of the water, cover, and turn the heat setting to High.

2. Place the flour in a large bowl and add the remaining 3 cups water. Stir well to combine, adding a little more water if the dough is too dry. Turn the dough out onto a flat surface and knead until it is smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. Place the dough back in the bowl and add enough warm water to cover. Let it rest for 20 minutes.

3. Place the bowl holding the dough and water in the sink. Knead the dough in the bowl until the water turns white. Drain the liquid, then cover with fresh water and knead again until the water in the bowl turns white. Repeat the process, using fresh water each time, until the water is almost clear. The dough should now be a smooth ball of wheat gluten, or raw seitan.

4. Depending on how you plan to use it, leave the raw seitan whole or divide into 4 smaller pieces and add to the simmering stock. Change the heat setting to Low, cover, and cook for 4 to 6 hours.

5. Remove the cooked seitan from the cooker and transfer to a baking sheet to cool. If you are not using the seitan right away, it can be stored submerged in its stock in the refrigerator in a tightly covered container for up to 5 days or frozen for several weeks.


So once this was all said and done (sorry I don't have pictures, it was 10:45 3AM and I was exhausted), I let the seitan "rest" until the AM where I decided to make a Seitan Pot Roast also from "Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker."

In the morning, I sliced up the Seitan "loaf" to make it look like cutlets.

Then I followed the recipe and put it all in the crockpot while I was at work.

...

...

I come home from work and the house smells AMAZING. Like, it smelled like legit pot roast.

Then I took a bite.

Yuck.

I mean, the initial flavor and texture was similar to pot roast but the chewy rubbery texture was just not ideal. AND to top it all off, I knew there was like ZERO nutrients in this dish. So, we decided to plop those cutlets on top of some macaroni noodles and call a spade a spade.

All in all, this was far too much work for a really not impressive outcome. If I were to ever make seitan again (or eat it for that matter), I would make sure there were some really REALLY bold flavors to compensate for the lack of a pleasing texture or flavor. Also, I would make sure there were tons of veggies involved to guarantee the health factor.

Sad face.

Here's the recipe for the Pot Roast from "Fresh from the Vegetarian Slow Cooker."

Ingredients:

1 sweet yellow onion, peeled and coarsely chopped
1 pound baby carrots
1 pound small red-skinned potatoes, halved or quartered
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup vegetable stock
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 teaspoon dried thyme
The cooked seitan (around 2 cups is what is called for)
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1 1/2 cup water, or more as needed
3 tablespoons soy sauce

Directions:

1. Arrange the onion, carrots, and potatoes
in the bottom of a lightly oiled slow cooker.

Season the vegetables to taste with salt and pepper
and add the stock, garlic, and 1/2 teaspoon of the
thyme.

2. In a large bowl, combine the wheat gluten flour,
onion powder, the remaining 1/2 teaspoon of thyme,
1/2 teaspoon of salt, and 1/4 teaspoon of black pepper. (Since I had already made the seitan, I just added the seasoning to the liquid)

Add the water and soy sauce.

Mix well, adding a little more water
if the mixture is too dry, then knead
for 2 minutes until smooth.

Shape the gluten to fit inside your cooker
and place on top of the vegetables.

Put the lid on the slow cooker and cook on
LOW for 4 hours, or until the seitan and
vegetables are cooked.

3. To serve, remove the vegetables and seitan
from the slow cooker.

Cut the seitan into slices and arrange
them on a serving platter. Surround with the
vegetables and spoon the cooking liquid over
all.